Monday, 17 December 2012

Chapter 12 - Of Bloodshot Greens

A mega update for being so late with this one :(. I'm on holiday and I can't seem to find the time to update so I'm really sorry but hopefully this makes up for it :P. 

... Also okay guys so basically Anjali's backstory has taken on a transformation ;). At first I wasn't sure of how to actually write out her character in a way that would be justifiable but thanks to Criminal Minds we are back on track ;). 

And compusion compusion, it will be cleared in this chapter ;) and Aman is the good guy here ;).

Oh and P.S. that reminds me. Because you guys are my lovely readers that I love you guys so much *hugs* I'm going to give you guys the opportunity to suggest an actor for Aman :D. I'd like the poor man to have a face lol. So send me your suggestions and I'll pick one ;) xx

When a lot of things start going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born –
And this something needs for you to be distracted so that it can be born as perfectly as possible.
- Anne Lamott

Aman walked quickly ahead, clearly pleased with himself for all of his hard work for the day. So many years laying underground hacking into numerous sources hadn’t gotten him nowhere in life after all. For so many years he’d given Arnav time, believed that his best friend would eventually one day unload to him his deepest darkest secrets, after all it was none of his business. But this time it was different, this time Arnav’s silence could have jeopardized a lot, including the sanctity of this Khushi.

He felt bad for her, she only wanted answers and he could understand her plight. Hell, if it had been him, it would have been a million times worse. No scrap that thought, he would never be put in this situation. 


"Arnav Singh Raizada?" She questioned her eyes wide, missing out on everything else that he had said. She felt she would fall suddenly, the extent of her assumptions hitting her. She moved back, her feet dragging across the floor, shaking her head, the shock enveloping her completely. No no no that wasn't his name! But then how did that even make sense? How was that possible? What did that mean? She'd lost him? No she hadn't because she'd never found him in the first place.


Aman waited to hear the footsteps behind him, the seconds passed by but there was no noise. He turned around then, curious as to what had happened, his instincts automatically carrying him towards her on seeing her state.

"Hey! Hey what's wrong?" He questioned, giving her shoulder a small squeeze, the concern clearly evident in his eyes. "Khushi?" He tried.

She couldn't stop the involuntary tears that grazed down her face; she had been so sure that it was her Arnav.

He couldn't help the panic that overtook him then. What the hell was going on? "Khushi are you okay? Don't you want to meet him?" He continued to try figure out what was wrong with her.

She looked up at him, her large eyes heavy with tears. How was she to tell him that Aman wasn't referring to the same man that she had sought for so many years? How long had she held onto that hope for? The hope of knowing him again, seeking him again. She felt herself breaking down all over again, every muscle of her body shaking from the effort of her tears.

“Khushi? Khushi?” He tried shaking her again.

She attempted to will herself the energy to talk to him, to tell him why she was so troubled.

“I… I… He…” She began to stammer, causing him to continue to look at her in confusion.

She closed her eyes, “He… He’s not the Arnav that I’m looking for!” She blurted out finally, taking in a deep breath in to attempt to calm herself down.

His eyes widened then suddenly his lips broke into a wide smile.

She glowered back at him, clearly not impressed with his reaction, what was this man made of and why the hell was he smiling?

“Why are you smiling?” She questioned, frowning up at him as his smile widened further.

Aman just couldn’t help himself, yet he tried anyway, “I’m sorry,” he apologized, “it’s just because I know what’s going on whilst you don’t,” he admitted, then regretted his words the next second, why couldn’t he control his mouth? She screwed her eyes, trying to make sense of what that meant.

“I mean, okay … erm… you are looking for Arnav Malik right?”

Her eyes widened, she moved further back against the wall. How did he know?

“Don’t be scared, I just… You’ll know how I know when I tell you the rest,” he tried to reassure her, sensing her fear.

She watched him carefully, silently pleading to Devi Mayya that this please not be a trap.

She nodded slowly as he waited for an answer.

“Well just like you changed identity years ago, so did Arnav Malik,” he began slowly but she was quick to catch on, her energy resurfacing, all her fragmented thoughts returning back to her, everything quickly falling into place.

“And he’s now known as Arnav Singh Raizada?!” She exclaimed, finishing off his sentence for him.


“Mr Arnav Singh Raizada have you considered getting your sister help before this?” She had a kind smile, he could tell from first glance the type of life she would lead. Every inch of her desk was tidy, the little notepads stacked up in a pile to the side, probably in some sort of order. Her pens lay in a small jar, not too many or too little; just right. She had enough chairs in her room so that it was not cluttered yet enough for people to feel comfortable. She probably led a quiet life, possibly lived alone and contacted her parents on a daily basis; everything in her life worked according to plan and most of her hopes would have worked out for her. He could tell.

“No, as I’ve told you before Dr Kashyap I do not take responsibility or for the most part, care about what my sister chooses do with her life.”

She nodded in reply, keeping that smile on her face, “of course I understand that Mr Raizada but I can tell just from looking at her that she is very emotionally distraught. More than anything she needs your support, she needs someone who knows her to care for her, to get her out of whatever mess she may feel she has put herself in.” Lavanya understood the psychology of many of her patients well; it was like she could read them. Even this man sitting in front of her, his body language, the way in which he spoke, his unwavering resolve and his refusal to show his pain to people, even his sister who it was evident he cared so much for, all of these clearly told her of the walls that he walked around with. This was a man that was scarred, broken, in need of as much help as his sister but telling him would be futile because he would never agree.

“Dr Kashyap,” he moved forward in the chair, bringing his gaze towards hers and holding it, “I think I’ve told you this before. I do not have the time, the energy or the patience to deal with her. If there is something that you think can be done then you are welcome to try. As I’ve told you already the charges will be paid for. Just do not expect me to become involved in any way.”

Lavanya nodded slowly, not taking too long to realize that he was not going to change his mind. “Alright then Mr Raizada as you wish. I will try my best.”


Her heart was heavy with an array of emotions, all crashing through its depths. She could feel the tremble that had started from her toes run all the way up, little tingles running up her spine. She was confused once more, totally unaware of what to do, what to say next. Her heartbeats were erratic; taking little jolts and jumps through her chest, her breath heavy, her mind numb.

“Chutki, what if one day we fall apart? You know it happens to everyone, people go off for different jobs, different courses,” he raised the topic suddenly, his face lost in thought, those chocolate brown eyes of his distant.

She walked over and sat next to him on the bed, sure there was something more to it than he meant. “What do you mean Arnav? Is anything wrong?” She questioned, gently placing her hand atop his.

He looked at her suddenly; a dark edge to his eyes then let it go quickly, as if he was hoping she wouldn’t catch on. “Nothing’s wrong,” he brushed off, bringing a smile to his face, “I was just wondering about the future that’s all,” he tried to pass it off on a light note.

She grabbed his arm then, entwining her own arm around his, bringing herself closer so that they sat arm in arm. “If we ever fall apart,” she began with a wide grin on her face, “I’ll make sure to hunt you down, give you a right telling off because you would have been the one to create the distance in the first place then give you the longest hug possible,” she continued, watching the small smirk that had sparked creep further and further into a smile on his face.

She remembered her innocent words, his own words that had remained a scarring reminder of the impending doom that she had not foreseen. She knew now that he had known something then. She was angry with herself for not having probed further, at him for not having told her. But one thing had changed, he hadn’t created the distance, fate had created it, fate had torn them apart, separated them in ways that they would then find it difficult to find each other again. Now she didn’t understand who to be angry at, herself, or him? Who was she supposed to accuse for this, the police officer that had changed her identity? And then did he ever attempt to find her? Did he try to find his Chutki or did he just continue on with his life imagining her to be dead?  And if he had could she blame him? Could she blame him for believing what would have been presented to him?

Then there was this Angelica, the woman who’s name had created panic, she remembered how he’d dropped her hand, ran out without a glance backwards. Was she the person he had replaced her memories with? No, she tried to banish those thoughts from her mind, it wasn’t right to make assumptions.

She remembered his reassuring words, his gentle caramel orbs, and his hushed promises. How many times had he told her he’d look after her? She remembered the gentle squeeze of his hand around hers, how their gazes had met and there had been that understanding, how she had trusted him without knowing him, unaware of who he really was. And then his struggling words, his half uttered sentences, the way he held her hand. Had he been about to tell her?

She wasn’t sure of herself anymore, her mind and heart at a constant battle, the words that she had uttered to him all those years ago coming back to her. She didn’t know what she would do this time when she met him, how she would react, how he would react. Over the years she knew she had changed, she had learned a lot more, about the world, about people but she hadn’t changed a great deal, but had he? What was he like now? What was his job? She knew he became angry at the slightest of things but thinking back to that she settled on that he had always been like that, always a bit quick tempered, always making hasty decisions but had other things changed?

Would they be the same now? Would he talk to her in the same way? Would he see her in the same light? Would they still have that same bond? And what if they didn’t? What if all of it changed? Then what would they have left? Then what would she do? Would she be able to accept that?  

Suddenly she wasn’t so sure she wanted to meet him anymore. She imagined them standing in front of each other, lost for words, their lost worlds clashing against their newfound futures. She didn’t want that she didn’t want to imagine them like that, she didn’t want her hopes and dreams, the prayers that she had nurtured for so many years destroyed like that.

She felt her heart become heavy with each step, her steps slowly faltering, falling behind Aman’s rapid pace. She tried to walk quicker but couldn’t find the strength, the will to carry on. She felt herself falling, loosing hope with every breath. She found it difficult to come to terms with the fact that things may never be the same.


“Aakash get our men over to the main hospital! As soon as possible! I want this job done right now!” Shyam barked as soon as he was able to put the phone down.

Aakash watched his boss skeptically, completely unaware of why these commands where being thrown his way.  He took out his phone nonetheless, not new to blank instructions. Pressing a few keys he commanded men over to the main hospital, his instructions brief.

Hanging up he looked towards Shyam once more who stood with a smirk on his face, his features manic.

“Sir what are they looking for exactly?” Aakash questioned then, needing to send the next set of instructions through.

Shyam’s face began to twitch; he brushed his hair back with his fingers, a low cackle erupting from his throat, quickly giving way to a cackling laugh. Quickly walking towards Aakash and grabbing him by the shoulders he breathed the words onto Aakash’s face, “Khushi Kumari Gupta!” He walked backwards laughing, his arms up in the air, “I’ll finally have her!”


Arnav clicked the door to the doctors cabin shut behind him, his slow steps leading him to the glass window outside his sister’s room, his eyes falling onto her face of their own accord, her eyes now closed in deep sleep. His fingers clung onto the glass and he hated how she still looked the same.

“Chotey! How many times have I told you to just quit this godforsaken job but you won’t listen to me!” She chided him as she rubbed oil onto his back.

“Di it’s okay,” he moaned back, his lips drawing into a thin line, his back completely erect as he tried to hide the pain. “It was my fault anyway, I didn't wash the car properly.”

She began to sniff then, rubbing his back with one hand and he turned back around to meet her dark ebony eyes brimming with tears and her furious attempts to hide them. “You shouldn’t have to do this,” she began, her tears choking her words, “ I should be able to provide better than this for you,” she mumbled in between her sobs.

He placed his hand on her lips hushing her, “you know that it hurts me more than this to see tears in your eyes Di so please stop crying, I’m sure better days will come,” he attempted to reassure her. “And I promise till then that I’ll protect you.”

He remembered his words now, his broken promise to her and how much he had failed her.

His phone began to vibrate just then breaking him out of his tormenting memories.

He frowned looking at the name that flashed on the screen; it couldn't mean good news.

“Hello Arnav?” The voice on the other end carried a fearful urgency.

“Yeh go one,” Arnav urged the man to continue.

“Arnav you know how you told me to keep an eye on Khushi?”

Arnav felt his heart stop inside his chest, the colour draining off of his face. He listened on, his heart in his throat.

“Arnav, Shyam’s men are heading towards the hospital to get her, apparently she’s been seen there,”

Arnav’s eyes widened, swallowing hard he finally tried to bring words to his parched throat, “wh…Which hospital?” He managed to mumble out.

“The main one.”

He began walking towards the exit, already dialing Aman’s number. What the hell was going on?


“Shit!” Aman cursed as he brought his phone out to see Arnav’s name flash on the screen. He threw a glance backwards at Khushi who walked with her gaze lowered to the ground, seemingly lost in her own world.

“Where’s Khushi?!” The question was barked out of the phone even before he could get a word in.

“With me,” Aman tried to be smart about it, if he didn’t give much away then he technically wouldn’t be lying either would he? But then why was Arnav so angry?

Arnav exhaled loudly, his footsteps fast against the laminate floor as he pushed his way through another set of doors. “And where the fuck are you?” His voice was furious, his other hand clenched into a fist at his side as he strode through yet another corridor.

Aman let his eyes wander to all corners of the corridor, not sure of how to answer. Had that bastard NK spilled? “Erm Arnav actually,” he began to create time, sure as hell that he would be dead meat if Arnav found out right now.

“Damn it Aman! Where the fuck are you?!” Arnav exclaimed into the phone.

Closing his eyes and preparing himself to be hung, “in the main hospital,” Aman finally breathed out.


Khushi looked back suddenly, breaking away from her conflicting thoughts, feeling someone’s eyes on her. She spotted them from the corner of her eyes, three grimy looking men clearly following her. She quickly edged closer to Aman, that fear from the day before engulfing her once more.


“Which corridor are you in?” Arnav was quick to question, no arguments, no threats, nothing, even leaving Aman completely confused.

“Wh… What?” Aman questioned, taken aback.

“Aman, which corridor are you on?!” He exclaimed, rapidly losing patience.

A bullet whizzed past Aman’s head just then, he turned around, his eyes wide, then grabbed Khushi and ducked for cover.

“Shit! We’ve got shots being fired!” He shouted into the phone.

Arnav felt his heart pound through his chest, his breaths rapid, he fell into a slow run then sprinted through the corridors, green walls flashing past him, white metal chairs, large swing doors as he crashed through them. “Where the fuck are you Aman?!” He yelled as he ran.

“Corridor 7!” Aman shouted over the commotion, people running in all different directions as he tried to get away from the men that were following them, already reaching for his own gun.

Khushi crouched on the floor, then followed Aman as he ran through the crowd blindly, desperately needing to just crawl underneath something, cover her ears and pretend that none of this was happening.

Tears ran down her cheeks as her memories flooded back, shouts, screams and bullets.

Chutki stay in here, you’ll be safe,” her mother’s final words.

“Khushi hurry up! We need to get out of here!” She heard him shout but she found it difficult to run, her legs heavy like lead.

Arnav broke through the large white doors, his eyes falling towards her, the trails of tears down her cheeks, their gazes clashing; blazing caramel against drowning hazel.

Her eyes widened, she felt herself stop in her tracks, the mayhem around her falling into a distant blur, the shouts muted, the tug of Aman’s hand ignored. She didn’t know what it was but she felt her anger dispel into nothingness, her thoughts fall numb.

“Take cover! Hide!” Arnav shouted to Aman, reaching them within a few strides. “Go!” He screamed quickly taking a hold of Khushi’s arm, their gazes meeting once more.

She looked to him, his adamant eyes clashing against her bewildered ones. The sounds came to her suddenly; echo’s of screams and shouts.

“Khushi we need to get out of here!” He yelled over the commotion, pulling at her arm.

She looked down, his hand tight around her arm. She began to follow him blindly, her gaze stuck on his face.

He ran quickly then pulled her into a dark corridor, pushing her against the wall and shielding her with his body.

She felt herself stiffen, her heart almost stop for a second or two. She’d never felt him so closely before, she could feel the rapid flutter of his heart beats, his warm breath against her skin. Her chest heaved against his, desperate for more air. She closed her eyes momentarily, letting new tears roll down her cheeks, she didn’t know what was happening but from now on it was better to let things fall into place by themselves, she finally decided. 

She felt him move against her then, his hands tightening around her shoulders as if he wanted to move her back. She moved her head up, her eyes slowly rising up to meet his gaze to clash against deep caramel orbs. 

He felt his breath hitch in his throat, their equally pounding heart beats resounding in their ears, her deep hazel eyes with the smallest of brown freckles boring into the depths of him. 

And she felt herself drown in the pools of his muddied caramel spheres for the first time. 

All this time,
I believed 
with all 
I am
that I
would find 
- Tyler Knott Gregson


  1. Ohh..WOW!!thank yu...Finally khushi's identity its time for Arnav and khushi to talk..hopefully escaping shyam's clutches...wondering wether there bill be pairing of Lavanya and Aman...just wondering..

    1. Hmm with pairing I wasn't too sure about La and which one to go with... I've not actually figured out a backstory to NK yet so if I do I think I'll have to pick one out of the two :P... So not too sure yet but you'll find out when I realise :P.

  2. So I'm extremly sorry for not commenting like I usually do but ever since I've been on winter break I've become a slacker!!! I really like Aman and how he's helping out with Khushi! I know it's kind of mean to say but she needs to stop crying so much :/ don't get me wrong I know that everything that has been happening is just crazy and overwhelming but I really want to see her as a strong character that takes all obstacles head on :) I know you'll probably have major turns of events further ahead of the story that might prove how strong of a character she is thanks for the update :)

    1. Haha! Don't be silly I am like the biggest slacker on Earth :P and winter break has left me such an unbelievably lazy slob :P, so you're okay lol.
      Lol she does she does and *wink* *wink* you're right btw, out of all of my FFs this one is supposed to have my strongest portrayal of Khushi so wait for it... The time will come ;) xx

  3. Your doing a great job with this FF !!!